Carla Van Walsum, Ph.D.



Respect, honoring

Fathers-day… for many people an insightful moment of reflection and gratitude. Really? It’s awesome if your heart naturally overflows from love and gratitude for the part you father contributes or has contributed in your life. But, for maybe even more people it’s a day with mixed feelings or just anger and sadness. Honoring your parents is a duty that has been imposed in your education by religions and other ideologies. It’s one of the Ten Commandments. Honoring your elders is an integral part in every culture.
The “respect and honoring your parents” from the heart, which is so totally different then politeness, can be such a difficult act to do for those who have suffered abuse and rejection. They need compassion and no condemnation. They need more, actually.
Much personal work needs to be done to undergo eventually a huge metamorphosis and release all bitterness, anger and pain.

Most of the time we don’t do that, especially when it is much needed. Many don t believe that there are ways to get rid of these painful experiences and memories.
Sadly enough, the subconscious loyalty in families from father to son, mother to daughter, is powerfully present. It’s not only that violent fathers will have violent sons because that’s the behavior the sons learned, it’s also because the pain isn’t healed and pops up in the future. Being disrespected and not understood as child creates huge wounds. Being disrespected in the present, the future, opens these unhealed wounds and boom, the fire starts. The inner picture is also like this: “I must have been very bad, that the father I adore (naturally) is so hard on me. “ Children tend to defend their parents, no matter what.
It is my understanding that healing within one’s soul of the said pain is a path of elevation and growth. To see the “human” behind the abuser is a sign of emotional and spiritual growth. To take actions and stop the chain of violent patterns in the family requires insight, courage and trust.
For many the greatest gift their parents gave them was their life. And for that what was missing, “I can take care of myself.”
This is liberating, empowering and healing. It is restoring the flow of love within self, and the family.
It is just very natural that a father loves his children. But wounds can close the heart. At the end, love is all that matters. Forgiveness is a way to free ourselves, but that is not the same as condoning. Our consciousness can lift us up and surpass painful memories. Our choice for personal power can support us in turning misery around into growth and love. Love is the answer. Love is all there is.

Happy Fathers-day!

Family Constellations provide great help  to restore peace in the soul and in the family.



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