Grief post Carla Van Walsum, PhD


Lately, in the bereavement group I am leading, we spoke about “lonesomeness”. If after 50-60+ years of marriage you lose your partner, an entirely new challenge pops up; to take care of your own wellbeing, or to get happy-up-to-certain-degree again.

One lady, a socially well-known, very respected and widow of two years, said: “I have many friends, I know so many people, but no one calls me up to go out for dinner or to do something”. Another woman in the group said “That is because they are couples”. I replied, “There are so may single people, this is probably not the reason”. If you want something, you must give it first. If you want more love and kindness, just be it and live it. This also works if you want more money, you need to be generous. It is an ongoing cycle. To be wealthy and enjoy it, you need to release all scarcity thinking. To be happy you need to change some beliefs.

“If you feel like you need more company, call up a few of your friends and invite them to do something you all would enjoy”. “Oh no”, one woman said, “Then you might get rejected!” “But that doesn’t matter,” I said. “You can choose to not take that personally. Instead, reject the rejection! Just go for what you want! There are so many people like you who would LOVE to go out and do something fun or would be happy to receive a phone call. “

I see the fear of rejection popping up in every area of life. Relationships, work, success. In order to achieve your aspirations you must be detached to the outcome. To hear “yes” is great, but hearing “no” is fine too. It doesn’t matter. It is one way to help people to manage loneliness, to express their needs without feeling a victim. And it’s especially necessary if they never learned to ask for what they need.

Another way is to become a little more aware and thoughtful; we all know people who might love to get a phone call… It doesn’t take much to just make that little extra effort for connection. It would bring a little spark in someone else’s life, and maybe inspiring them to do the same! In the upcoming weeks most of us will all celebrate festivals of light and togetherness with our families and friends. If everyone would think of someone that would be happy to receive a call or visit and would take action, it would brighten the lives of many. This is a really great gift to consider…

Book a Free Call